Regular

donald-trump-official:

An average day at the Trump White House

• the staff playing a rock-paper-cissors tournament to figure out who has to wake up the president

• Donald walking in to Mike Pence taking measurements of the Oval Office desk and chair

• “James, the president would like another cheeseburger”

• the secret service dealing with the internal conflict of protecting the president and avoiding Angry Trump

• Melania slipping her secret service agent a $100 bill to tell Donald she already went to bed

• Jared Kushner hastily burning a stack of papers in the rose garden

• the coffee pot in the break room is half vodka and nobody cares

• “James, the president would like another cheeseburger”

• a 24/7 loop of the “prison break” series playing on the waiting room tv

• muffled screaming, followed by the distant *thud* of a remote hitting the wall

• Paul Ryan wandering aimlessly around the west wing looking for the president, bill in hand

• the contractors who are there to paint over the Steve Bannon mural can’t make it because “their car broke down”

• a flustered intern running from room to room, the top sheet of a stack of papers being a trump tweet

• “James, the president would like another cheeseburger”

Pt. 2

•The dartboard in the Oval Office with a picture of Mueller taped to it has fresh markings (not from darts)

•The intern who got fired for reading a CNN article is back for his replacement phone

•John Kelly sneaking away from everybody to find a new hiding spot for Trump’s phone

•Trump then walking from room to room, calling his phone with Melania’s

•An assistant, as Trump walks past with a ladder: “Attic again, sir?”

•Sarah Sanders crying in the basement bathroom while holding the transcript of her last press briefing

•Signs that say “NO MANAFORT NO COHEN” that seem to have gone up overnight

•The dartboard in the Oval Office with the CNN logo taped to it has fresh markings (this time, from darts)

•Rudy Giuliani walking around whistling the theme to “Night court”

•John Bolton and John Kelly hurridly carrying a framed portrait of Vladimir Putin to the basement storage room

•Marine One shows up and nobody knows why

•A flatscreen TV in the war room dedicated to Trump’s twitter feed rapidly beeps in alarm

•Ivanaka Trump rolling a dolly filled with boxes marked “fashion” to the dumpster

•The dart board in the Oval Office with a picture of Hillary taped to it has fresh bullet holes

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